Yes, honesty hurts.

I finally told him about how I really feel towards him. Years, actually. It took me a year to finally summon all my courage and tell him these three words,  “I like you.” But instead of making me feel better, it actually made me feel worst.

Okay, I know he’s straight. Or at least that’s what he tells everybody. But I told him because the pain is becoming unbearable. Skipping the annual retreat just to avoid me spilling the beans, or trying to avoid an alone time with him because of the fear I might burst in to tears when I start telling him my, uhm, ‘secret feelings’ for him. I was scared before. But now, I feel more uneasy. That, I don’t know why.

You might think that I’m expecting something will prosper between us that’s why I finally told him. But honestly, no. He’s straight (daw), let me reiterate. And I know straight guys won’t enter a same sex relationship. I just wanted to let him know what I really feel towards him. That’s it. If something happens, then good. But if things remains/ed the same, or change for the worse, then I know that what I did, to him, was something that’s way out of line. But the hell I care. At least, I had the balls to be that honest, laid all my cards on the table, and just did what I had to do.

Lastly, I’m not ranting. I just feel like letting these things out and share to you how it feels to be rejected. It’s hard accepting that you hot rejected. But that’s the freaking reality.

Hurt? You can say that. But that doesn’t matter anymore. My feelings for him’s finally over. I just want to leave things this way. I used to like him. I guess this sound better, and less prone to pain and rejection.

Like a virgin.

Okay. I am a virgin when it comes to this online journal thing. I don’t know why, but I tend to be not so sure of my thoughts that letting the whole Internet population, okay, or those who might get interested, read about it is like my last-est option. I’m scared people might laugh on what I write about, or the way I talk about it. So there.

Now what do I put here? Do I talk about myself? I think that’s too Narcissistic. Do I talk about someone else? Too gossipy. Let’s just do things randomly. But to formally start my online journal hobby (fingers crossed), why don’t I tell you something about the one who’s typing this?

I am Angelo. And I’m turning 21 this 22^nd. And I think I’m boring your ass. So maybe you’re wondering why I don’t like doing this. Here’s why.

I really don’t want people talking about me based on what I feel. I hate the fact that people tend to judge someone based on what they read on that person’s blog, or online journal. But since I’m officially opening my life to those who might find mine interesting, I won’t mind you sharing your opinion with whatever it is that I post here.

I’m actually running out of what to say. Or in this case, type. I guess this is really how it feels to be “devirginized”. It’s painful and hard at first, but eventually, when you do it, uhm, regularly, you’ll get the hang of it. So I guess this first post won’t be that lengthy. But I promise to write something again whenever I get the chance to hang out with my pc. Bear with me for now, k?

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